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When I came of age in the 1990s, officials seemed to believe that income inequality based on sex was most effectively handled by advising females that no goal was out of reach. Bold, bright pink advertisements told me that structural and social impediments would fall in the face of my self-belief.

Experts have since debunked the notion that an individual can fix their lives through positive thinking. A writer, in his work Selfie, unpacks how the neoliberal myth of the level playing field supports much of personal development trends.

Nevertheless, I still feel that still believes that through diligent effort and glue together a solid dream collage, I should be able to achieve my wildest dreams: the sole barrier to my fate is me. Where can I locate a point of equilibrium, an equilibrium between trusting in my unlimited potential but avoiding self-reproach for all missteps?

The Solution Lies in Modesty

The solution, per a fourth-century philosopher, a North African Catholic bishop, is humility. The saint stated that self-abasement served as the base of every other moral quality, and that for those pursuing divinity “the initial step involves humility; the second, meekness; the final, lowliness”.

Being an ex-Catholic in my case, the term modesty might stir various unpleasant feelings. I grew up in an era of the church when caring about your looks constituted the sin of vanity; physical attraction was deemed improper outside of procreation; and even pondering solo sex could lead to punishment.

I doubt that the saint meant this, but for many years, I mixed up “modesty” with shame.

Healthy Humility Does Not Involve Personal Disgust

Practicing humility, as per mental health expert Ravi Chandra, does not mean despising yourself. Someone who is healthily humble takes pride in their capabilities and successes while recognizing that there is always more to learn. He defines multiple forms of modesty: modesty regarding cultures; respect for elders and youth; openness to learning; meekness about what one knows; humility of skill; humility of wisdom; reverence for the sublime; and humility in the face of suffering.

Psychological research has also identified multiple perks stemming from open-mindedness, such as increased toughness, acceptance and relatedness.

Modesty at Work

Through my profession providing emotional care at senior facilities, I currently view meekness as the effort of being present to the other. Humility serves as a centering practice: returning, breath by breath, to the floor under my feet and the person sitting in front of me.

Certain individuals who tell me the same five anecdotes about their past, over and over again, every time I see them. Instead of watching the clock, I attempt to hear. I try to stay curious. What insights can I gain from this individual and the narratives they cherish while other things faded?

Philosophical Stillness

I strive to adopt the Taoist attitude that theological scholar Huston Smith termed “inventive calm”. Ancient Chinese sages advise people to calm the identity and live aligned to the natural order.

This may be highly applicable amid efforts to restore the destruction people have inflicted upon Earth. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, Rebecca Giggs explains that being humble allows us to rediscover “the inner creature, the creature that quakes toward the unseen". Taking a position of humility, of ignorance, enables us to recognize humanity belongs of a greater entity.

The Grace of Humility

There’s a desolation and gloom that comes with assuming no limits exist: triumph – be it getting rich, reducing size, or winning the presidential race – turns into the sole valid outcome. Modesty permits dignity and failure. I am humble, grounded in reality, suggesting all necessities are present to grow.