That Floating Poo Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.
Looking back, we consider the television landscape of the past year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable shortcomings. From awkward spin-offs to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with woeful writing, painful arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the final season started, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then came an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was practically the least of this drama's issues. The recipient of a very rare no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the problems. The laughably leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Acting so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this series again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have known it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but dismissive narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee homemaking as intentional statements. But then you view them and are forced to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was akin to reading a sales catalogue. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How do you follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the smart inclusion of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.
Prime Target
We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific shots and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.
