These Advice shared by My Father Which Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct words "You are not in a good spot. You require support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider inability to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - spending a few days away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the language of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."